It’s easy to vanish when you are already living on the edge of existence.

Disclosure: this is boring mind-thoughts: nothing to be gained by reading this.

The last time I wrote was about a month ago. I went on vacation and came back to face reality – which is always a jarring transition, and somewhere between there and here I vanished ~~~ my purpose, my dreams, my plans. I’m artificially ”living” my life and it feels like a black-hole.

I got lost somehow. I go to work and come home and do whatever chores need to be done. I left behind my plans to hike the AT somewhere in pre-vacation mind-fog. I have not given up the plan…just haven’t thought about it much. And, here it is one month later and I’m feeling a little lost – a little unprepared. I have spent so much time in the last year consumed with reading or thinking about the AT that this past month has been one of those dreams that bother you awake but then you can’t remember what it was.

It’s now early December. If I am to start my hike in March or April (still undecided about the whole thing) then I have approximately three months of preparation: emotional, physical and practical.

All I feel right now is tired.

I started the day shift this past week and, after three days, I hate it as much as I thought I might. It may just be the transition. It might be a chronically chaotic shift and I’m only deceiving myself, “just give it some time to adjust”. It’s the lack of daylight, the holiday season, the lack of routine or purpose to my days ~ and I feel drained, I just want to read (“escape”) and sleep. This is not conducive to getting prepared for a six-month rigorous journey.

Tomorrow the sun is supposed to shine. I need to get up ‘early’ and get outside for a walk…hopefully the sun and brisk temperatures will help dissipate the heaviness in my head. I need to ‘get moving’, ‘get back on track’, ‘get out of my own way’ and move this plan forward – move my body and my mind. I need to find my way back.

That’s the plan anyway.

Daily Prompt: Vanish

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2 thoughts on “It’s easy to vanish when you are already living on the edge of existence.

  1. “I just want to read (“escape”) and sleep.” .. That sounds like me. Totally, hah .. Anyways, If you want to hike the AT – do it. Really. Life is too short. Ask yourself a question – Do I really want to experience things or just think about them? Maybe you need some starting line from which you can move on. And maybe planning your AT is a good starting line. And maybe not. But you will never know unless you try.

    I hope you will feel better soon. 🙂 (And also sorry for my English. But I’m working on it. Promise, hahah.)

    Like

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